I played football for 23 years of my life. I’ve overcome different cultures, comparisons, rules, and even overcome issues that were self-created. During this time, I grew to appreciate the power of language. Our language, or that of those around us, creates stories and those stories can become realities. Sometimes it’s the reality we want, sometimes it’s not. But much of the time the reality that’s created is birthed out of the language that has been pressed upon us.

Some coaches are willing/capable of stepping up to take responsibility for a team’s loss, while others are completely comfortable putting it all on the player’s. This is the difference between projecting and reflecting.

Projections give the blame to someone else. In doing so, you’re also giving the power to someone else. For example, a coach says, “you can’t block a three tech because you’re soft!” The coach in this instance has placed the blame on the players inability to make a block due to the fact that the player is “soft.” In doing so, the coach has also given away their power. The coach is inadvertently acknowledging he/she can’t perform their job of guiding a player to perform a task. This is the bedrock of what coaching is built upon.  Once a coach begins this descent down the pit of projections, it always ends in that coach creating toxic environments that impedes the growth of players. 

Reflections on the other hand take ownership. This is when a coach places the blame upon their shoulders for the loss or a player failing to execute an assignment.  A coach capable of reflecting says, “I have to do a better job of teaching you how to block a three tech”. This creates a much better learning and execution environment. The coach in this instance did not give their power away and is still able to effectively do their job, which is to guide a player to become the best they can be. The player now does not have a mental image of them being too soft or incapable of performing the task.  This is how average players are made good, and good players are turned great. 

The goal of coaching should be to use our language to build young men and women.  But we have to become more mindful in how our language can plant seeds that will blossom in to amazing rose bushes, or fields of weeds.